Your Chocolate Fountain Looks Like Shit…Literally.

I know I will probably be blasted for this, but I really hate chocolate fountains. I just think they’re ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong…I love chocolate as much as the next girl. I just don’t think a molten river of it is required to make a wedding day complete. Truth be told, I find them tacky.

I had a lowly strawberry. Now I have a strawberry that I’ve dipped in chocolate! Amazing! I happen to think that the strawberry was pretty good by itself. If chocolate-covered strawberries are your aim, why not just serve those? Same goes for enrobed marshmallows, pineapple, caramel or what have you. I’m not back behind the bar mixing my own drinks at the wedding. Why, then, am I dipping my dessert in chocolate? I also find the quality of chocolate to be suspect in a lot of these displays. Who wouldn’t want Valrhona or Ghirardelli in any form? Like I said, I adore chocolate. I don’t, however, want something with the flavor of chalky, cheapo off-brand Halloween candy. Like those chocolate coins we used to get as kids? Gross. I can still taste the waxiness of them as I write this. So, I guess what I’m saying is, if you MUST have a chocolate fountain, make sure that baby is loaded up with something delicious. And don’t even get me started on white chocolate. Ugh. It’s not even real chocolate, for Christ’s sake!

Then there is the matter of the aesthetic value of the fountain itself. I was not trying to be funny when I titled this post. I’m sorry, but the liquefied chocolate in these fountains seems like something that would be found in a sewer. Does any bride want to remind her guests of fecal matter during a dessert presentation? Not unless she’s into that type of thing, but that’s a whole ‘nother ballgame (which is perhaps suitable for a different sort of blog).

I offer this bit of advice: Brides, do the elegant thing. Stick to some pastries or petit-fours if you want to do something besides cake. Go all East Coast Italian and do a Venetian Hour. Just skip the chocolate fountain!

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2 Responses to Your Chocolate Fountain Looks Like Shit…Literally.

  1. Jane says:

    I totally agree with you on this one! I think they are so unsanitary. I have seen people slobber all over their marshmallow then decide that they want to dunk it into the chocolate fountain. So now we have the “shit” chocolate and slobber mixing together and cascading down the fountain for its next victim. Yuckooooo!

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