A Love Letter to My Lesbian Brides…

I admit it. I’m prejudiced. I am prejudiced toward lesbian brides. I love them. I’ve worked with a fair few and most are right up there in my pantheon of favorite brides. I got to thinking about this the other day and wondered why this was so.

My first experience was with a couple who I’ll call Liz and Nancy. They were a little shy when they first walked in. This was a few years ago, and I guess they were afraid that I might judge them. They sheepishly told me that they were getting married, to each other, and that they each needed a dress. Liz was a little more glam and couldn’t wait to get the whole process started. She wanted to try on dresses and get the feel of her wedding decided. Nancy was a little more reluctant. She confided in me that she had gained a lot of weight since she and Liz got together. I told her that it happened to me when I met my husband, too. When you’re happy, you eat! She smiled at that and said that she had always visualized herself wearing a pantsuit or an informal cocktail dress at most. I agreed to help them find what they were looking for.

Right away I was impressed by their relationship. Liz knew that Nancy was nervous about the process, so she made a lot of suggestions for her. She would often say things like “This neckline will look great on you” or “I think this one will be really flattering on your waist”. The kind and gentle manner in which they treated one another was so refreshing to see. Some other couples I’ve worked with (gay and straight) have been at each other’s throats. It was nice to see two people remembering what weddings are about in the first place.

As I suspected, finding a dress for Liz was easy. She looked great in nearly everything she tried on. She found one that worked for her and was done. Nancy was taking a little longer. She was clearly uncomfortable in a lot of the gowns she had chosen. Liz was amazing with her. When Nancy tried on a strapless number Liz brightened. She said “Look at your beautiful shoulders in this one!”. Nancy instantly stood up a little straighter. She started to smile. She began to see herself as her partner saw her, a few extra pounds be damned. Before long, she had chosen a gown for herself, too.

The time I spent with Liz and Nancy flew by. They were just as sweet to me as they were to each other. There was no attitude, no drama, no entitled little princess bullshit. They were just two women getting married, happy to have someone help them out with the details.

I have had similar great experiences with lesbian brides throughout the years. As I said, I really wondered why the percentage of amazing brides to bridezillas was so skewed in the lesbian community’s favor. Then it dawned on me. The right to marriage is a relatively new concept in the gay community. There are couples who have been together for 50 years, longing to be married like their heterosexual counterparts. Could it be that the lesbian brides I’ve encountered are so nice because they’re just so grateful to be allowed in the marriage club? Do they actually appreciate the institution more because they were on the outside looking in for so long? Maybe we all have something to learn about marriage through the eyes of those who are just now being allowed to tie the knot. Perhaps if straight people were as grateful, there would be less divorce, strife and infidelity in straight marriages.

I am ecstatic that some states have already allowed gay marriage. I truly believe this is the civil rights fight of our time. Some are afraid that gay marriage will “ruin” the institution. If the people I have worked with are any indication, gay marriage might just do the exact opposite. Maybe it will save it.

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